The entry today is about a new discovery with myself and with someone. first is that, my teacher is really cute up close. and second, i have a crush on him. :) i want to share this because he was the first thing that came out in my head when i opened my blog. it is such a wonderful and exciting discovery that i don't want it unwritten and kept within. though i haven't told anyone of this discovery yet. such lovely and happy discoveries are worth documenting on blog. more than that, the subject of this entry is very much worth blogging about.
why didn't i noticed this long before?? i mean, he's been my teacher for the whole semester. yet i came to notice his gorgeous and outstanding personality in the last days!! what a dope am i! now i regret the days i choose to be absent on his class for no apparent reason aside from i don't feel like joining in.
i think earlier that afternoon, after my exam in his subject, was the first time i ever talked to him that long and that close. now that i mention that, i reminisced how close our gap was and indeed, it's really close. his eyes were so near that i think it's where all started. his eyes were not that black, it has brown rims around it that it looks like blended with the black center and gave a melancholic effect as a whole. the edges of her eyes are like downwards so gives a rather sad look to it. it's even like pleading, melancholic yet cheerful and mischievous at the same time. they are so expressive and mysterious and intelligent eyes that i can't resist myself from staring at them.
moreover, i was not just the eyes that made a mark but the whole of him. he's intelligent, humorous, understanding, patient, punctual, passionate, and effective as a mentor. he doesn't limits himself from being a teacher but makes efforts to reach out with students. i realized now that i love the way he explains things in front though mostly it distresses him to see students not comprehending his lessons. and that's where i see his passion and dedication most. every time he reviews all over again and explain it as thoroughly as he could, only for the students to understand the lessons.
i was greatly moved one time when my classmate accused him of using technological techniques (e.g. blogs) in teaching and reaching out with students for profitable purposes. he was really hurt with that that it has been an issue for a week. he couldn't believe that some of his students thought that way towards him and his strategies, though never in his years of teaching had he thought of profit gains. he even stated that, a portion of his salary goes to his teaching paraphernalia like free handouts. even if ironically he's teaching economics yet he doesn't really want to make himself so rich. instead he puts most of his efforts for educating students. and isn't it the heart of teaching? to educate, to inform, to help develop minds regardless of the monthly salary?
i am happy to discover that i developed such feelings to a well-deserved man. to someone who is all worth the time listening and conversing to, worth all the time thinking of. all i wish now is that, somehow, someday i could show this feelings in a much matured level and in a more accepting world. it's not in school with him wearing his casual teaching clothes and me with my uniform. i wish to be worthy for him someday and that it will give me a chance, it will give "us" a chance with no hindrances in our status quo.
i like your smile and how you carry yourself, confident yet humble; intelligent yet readily accepts errors and new learning. i like the way you balance your formality and humor. i like most your humility and wisdom that apparently attracted me most.
i got a lot of things to tell and i'm excited every time. so let me just take this easy and not overwhelm myself. it might just spoil out everything like what happened to my past subjects.
a lovely sleep to me, to you, and to everyone. thank you Lord.
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