an inadequate narration of what happened last night

for the first time, I've tasted nothing from my life. it's not bitter nor sweet, nor sour, it tastes nothing. and i fear it. i fear my life having no taste at all. last night, was the deepest sorrow i've ever dug in my soul. the pain of rejection, nothingness, worthlessness and all. i was succumbed by a deep darkness and i can't escape myself out from it. i was trapped and i can't breath. i tried to feel my heart and it's too weak as if it's not existing. i placed my palms above my chest and feel it. i silenced myself, my thoughts in turmoil and suffering. and feel my heart though it's beating weak in my ribs. but the knowledge, that in the pit of darkness, my heart is there, never gave up. and so i wandered myself deeper in the darkness. the deeper i get, the taste of life slowly leaving in the tongue of my soul. it's hideous and my physical body pained for that of my soul. i cried and tears sprung in my eyes, deluged my being, flooded my soul that for a while, i was drowned in the abyss of darkness... it's like experiencing death for the first time. it's like watching myself in a coffin. and i don't even have a flower to fragrance her way to the next life. i was there. looking at her with pitiful eyes, unmoving. feeling contempt to myself cause i can't bring her back to life.
i don't know when did i finally slept myself. but one thing i know, my palms was still placed above my chest... feeling the weak pulse of my heart...trusting that it will sail me through the dawn of another life.