if there is one thing i should hate my self about is my skill to pretend i'm fine when in truth it's otherwise. they say it's a kind of ability i should be thankful of because not all can smile and hurt at the same time. not all can make others laugh when deep inside you have many reasons to gloom and frown. i'm thankful i am but sometimes i feel like all of my hurtful feeling are stuck within me that i just want to shout it all and cry my heart just so to make me feel good... feel better...feel vulnerable and weak and fine.
i wanna cry because i'm jealous and like the jealousy is so unbearable. finally, i mustered all my courage just to write this...jealous. no word can best or less explain what i felt just a while ago.
now what? what if i'm jealous? so what if you really look good together? so what if i we can never be? so what if she has greater chances than me? so what if there's no point denying your chemistry? would that make me less in love? YES! I SHOULD!
so let me make sense of this entry: i am not jealous...i am excruciatingly jealous.
pathetic post.
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