mr. cynical

i see you before as a mad stalker looking for affection through deliberately asking someone for free sex. i didn't even bother asking if why you do such things and why you unceasingly and tirelessly doing so despite of all the rejections you take. i thought before you're just being a tough nut or you don't have someone to bother to so you're diverting you're attentions to me. cynically, i thought of you to be like some jackasses craving for sexual relationship. but i didn't know that beneath all that, the lust behind those eyeglasses every time you look at me, is a person of deep and sincere approach to love, life and sex. and to quote from you, indeed you are a "romantic misanthrope". you're the perfect combination of logical, romantic, cynical, artistic and scientific lover.
i had always regard you with contempt before, your coldness, apathy and obvious motives towards me. i thought i'll never gonna change my perception on you. but i guess everything that i thought of you from the very beginning gradually and surely changed when i read your write ups. i even thought that perhaps it wasn't you who wrote those things about love and life. maybe because i try to shun the fact that all the cynical things i thought of you are far cry from what you are. i just can't face the reality that i have been shallow in assessing your personality, so i treated you bad. and i hate myself for doing so.  even if you don't tell me by actions or verbally, you are indeed one of the few romantic and passionate person ever stepped into my life. and i should be thankful to you.
you're intelligent and romantic and i may say, a rare combination nowadays. wherein people are being too self-conceited and phony, always thinking about the outer judgments more than whats within. but you, you're different and sincere. i can feel it in your poems and articles in which I've seen you naked with love and passion for the first time. gorgeously nude yet unbelievably tough. your poems say so much about you and how i wish that i have known who you are from the beginning. so that i may changed my mind and ignored you instead of hurting your feelings through my irrationality and childishness.

now who ever that lucky girl you dedicate your works to, she's one lucky girl and i'll envy her for the rest of the time that i'm secretly loving you.