is this for you?

there are times that i want to lie inside the nest of nostalgia, and comfort myself with the vague memories of you and me, that i try not to disappear to oblivion. maybe that's why i want to re-member and recapitulate those times when i thought that you looked at me with sincere feelings. when i thought that you, and that light i see in you, transcends through my heart and stayed there, for a while. but why, the more i remember and play back those discs of memories, they start to betray my mind, the more i think of it...less i'm convinced that there was really a time that you felt something peculiar for me. that feeling i dare to explain, for the sheer hope of finding some hints you laid there for me to seek and ponder. yet, even though i tell myself every night, like that of a mother repeats her fairy tale to her child, i slowly forget things. forget some of the details, it's not that vivid anymore. and not just the memories but also the feelings i have, morphed into it's "safe" form.

maybe, things should end up this way, perhaps for us. though i try to refuse, the signs foreshadowed the near end...it seems inevitable says my mind...seems inevitable this time. and even though the heart is waging some war against it, the heart, in the middle of the battle, lost the vigor to held it's sword and her eyes once filled with fierce, lost its hue.