and the quote of the day is....

  "The first step in believing is have something to believe in."

-Cyrell

ephemeral interludes

   the more i think about you the more your picture becomes clear but the feeling vague. 

i hadn't seen you for quite a long while now and i don't know if i'm really missing you or not. the fact that we spent ephemeral time with each other didn't really made a tight knot for me to be tied on your memory. that also goes to you. retrograding about how short our past interludes are, nothing really made sense. moments here and there are just like pictures not worth keeping in a wallet nor burning down to ashes. 

   so what are we now? i mostly believe that we're just two people unlikely to meet in some uncrowded and uncertain intersections. when we again walk on our each paths and happened to run at each other, we pass like strangers.

    there are no strong ties that bind us with each other, nor sand marks that we left so we can walk back to each other. nothing. no ties nor marks. perhaps just a plain knowing written by the vividness of the moments we had. written in some corners of our minds.

untitled

the residues of the forgotten

are left hanged on twilight walls

pain deserted unwritten

words taking solitary strolls.

behind the trees' silhouette,

sincerity and lies gradually waning,

hues of the truth and counterfeit,

what a sad, grotesque painting.

alas, night will come, and i shall

be comforted on her bosom

the faking stars will fall,

upon flowers in half blossom.

sweet hollowness creeping,

and shall contaminate me soon.

twilight glows dying,

leaving a disguised boon.

the night is suicidal

her silence assailing

lights flicking: ephemeral

soon forever fading, fading.

- nothing but the inspiration of nothingness that inspired me to write this.

because faith and belief beats simultaneously

   There's nothing wrong with believing. again. 

   There's nothing wrong with being a hypocrite, and betray knowledge for faith's salvation.  there's nothing wrong in believing that the Mighty He is there, though a few would say it's crazy to believe on such. 

   Belief- i thought I'd already hidden this in a chest of past memories and self perplex. locked by knowledge and knowing, confusion and doubt. so when I'm on the verge of throwing this chest to the vast sea of oblivion... a gravity so strong pulled the chest back and i unconsciously embraced it... embraced it so tight.

   After the feat, i asked myself, who or what pulled me back? then i came to struck by a mystic epiphany... it was my faith.

   Faith and belief has a connection and that a strong lock can't set them apart. faith beats for belief and belief beats for faith. it's simultaneous.

   But then i asked again, if i already forgotten my faith and locked up my belief what is the source of that strong pull? .. i deeply meditated and then i came to realized that even in the verge of surrender to great knowledge i hadn't forgotten my faith... and that's the reason why my belief slowly beats because it knows that my faith isn't dead.

Just Give Me a Break!

Semester break is silently, boringly, and rapidly killing me!!!

   Semestral breaks shouldn't be this boring. i think i should do something to make this break productive and exciting!

(- how can you do that?? aber??)

i can read a lot of books!

(- do you even have any?? you're done reading all the books in the shelves my dear.)

i can go and hang out with friends!

(- that will be great if you have money to pay the fare going to there houses.)

i can go out shopping!

(immaterial. you got ZERO balance in your wallet.)

i'll go swimming! 

(you can actually do that.... in the bath tub which is more or less than 10 steps away from where you are sitting now.)

i'll go swimming in the beach!! SAMAL!!

(epic rebuttal: 1. your mom won't surely allow you. 

                      2. even if she'll allow you, your father won't and so as your granny.

                      3. even if the above mentioned allows you, remember that you're in the verge of    

                           bankruptcy, or i think, you already are. you can't afford it. )

nice suggestions from me: your other side:

1. clean the house. 

-i've been doing that since the first day of the sem break.

2. walk the dog outside.

-as always, as i always do even on non sem break days.

3. write something.

- like i don't write at least 2 essays everyday. alright!

4. proofread past writings.

- and ridicule myself... brilliant!

5. wrestle down your dogs.

- and they'll wrestle me back and give me a  fractured bone. 

6. this is the perfect time to settle your career choice crisis.

- i talk to myself about that everyday and all it did is triple my confusion. 

7. BLOG!!

-wow! that's what i'm doing now! great! it amazingly decreased my boredom for about an inch! 

8. watch anime

-there's nothing much interesting series.

9. watch philosophical debates

- and absorb all the radiation! very much healthy suggestion.

10. read jessica zafra's blog.

- the least thing i can do that is interesting enough to make me wake each morning.

GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK! 

(break in the neck??)

                   

the poetry of ennui.

   today, i want to write something profound and romantic. I've tried every thing, maybe not every thing but every possible thing that is doable and reachable to extract out romantic juices. 

   i want to write something beautiful for you, though not even ones you had written something beautiful or something for me. though you always write your poetry, and you write these poetry not thinking of me but your recollection of somebody's  memory. of a girl who is far from me. very much far from me, of upbringing, of likes, of character and of beauty. and you always write your poetry for her, for her that you adore the most, for her that you adore through binding nature and forming it into a splendid bouquet of art, of words. and you, with your ever secretive admiration, offers these bunch of art to her in secret, in painful loving secret.

   who ever that girl is, she, i painfully think, is the luckiest daughter of a mother can have. for from a great distance, a boy, is loving her and writing poetry for her.

   my love, as i read your poetry, i always dare to think and dream that these are all for me and i was that girl your offering your bouquets to. while i'm reading them, i feel so happy, and after that, it feels like dying. for i know, i always know from the beginning, even if as i am about to read it... it's not for me. :(

   writing these words is not my style in writing. i self-proclaimed to write humorous. 

and though all of these things I'd written is nothing but a tarnished and hardly to be forgotten cliche of unwanted circumstances. i would still like to write them. though it made me sound pathetic and, i hate to say, hopeless. i would still write them for in the first place i have nothing to write now... if it's not you I'm thinking and not for you I'm writing.

   I'm supposed to write something beautiful for you. to make myself more worthy even of your friendship. but i guess the spontaneous flow of words from my head going to my hands and into the screen gave nothing... gave no beauty at all. but just the plain and grotesque evidence of my despair, of the unbearable truth in its blunt nudity.

   i don't know when will i write again a poetry that is worth of your glance or i dare more to say, of your interested pause and your eager reading, your profound understanding, and your secretive smile of likeness, and your seeking for the author and your seeking for the author's friendship... and soon for her love.

   some day i will just know, though i don't know if how will i ever know. if ever i can still come to know. who knows? who knows better? who knows better than me of course, the know-er.

though i hadn't still knew how and when i came to know this feeling i had for you... all are just scribbles of words dangling above my effervescent heaven and i can't seemingly find the thread to knit them all into one serene sky. all are just feelings. or just a vague memory of a happy feeling.

   some day, it might not be too soon, but just wait, just wait with patience and nonchalance. for i'll just come to write for you a poetry so beautifully made that you will be writing for me a poetry with par excellence.

destiny??

I KNOW THAT WE'RE PREDESTINED FOR EACH OTHER. HAHAHA!

THE SOCIAL NETWORK - HD-Trailer - Ab 7. Oktober 2010 im Kino!

a film about an egocentric, paranoid, ambitious megalomaniac...

'Flipped' Trailer HD

the best of December films.. woohoo!

so now i'm androgynous

just realized, almost all of my real poems are dedicated to women... my admiration to their specie. i ♥ women...but it doesn't mean i love men less... it's just that, no man had stirred me to write something for him. i ♥ men. hahha!

WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE trailer

Jason Derulo "Ridin' Solo" (Official Lyrics Video)

on early pregnancy

  more than ten of my batch-mates got pregnant, 2 of them are my close friends.... now what's the matter??

  an eye-opening statement/ dialogue between a mother and a daughter from an instant noodle tv ad: 

" ma, mahirap po bang magbuntis?"

" anak, mas mahirap maging ina."

   government, private and public sectors and agencies are finding ways to prevent teenage pregnancy among women. yet the rate of teenage moms in our society is still ballooning. now, what is the cause? what are the consequences? who are to be blamed? how can we prevent early teenage pregnancy?

   a friend of mine told me that one of my friend just delivered her baby last week and would like to have me as a godmother for her child. wow.. take it easy, I'm not even aware, i was all shocked. just last year i had a sensible conversation with her about our future plans and ambitions, the things we'll do to accomplish them all, and now this, she already got a baby and stopped schooling. where did you put your plans dude? in your pocket?? or inside that condom left in your pocket, which you should have used before you let him enter the kingdom of your genitals. 

  
   i was all confused and regretful about the news, not that i don't like the baby. she's an angel. but the fact that she had her before she is ready filled me with regret and even fear for the baby, for their future. it's like walking on a quicksand of uncertainty. she still have no plans for the both of them. but, as they say, what can we do?? the baby is there. we can't put her back to the womb, shrink back to her former embryo, and spill her out. that is so rude for me to say. but, i am rude.

   i asked her about the father. she said that he has no job and, similar to her, he hadn't finished his studies. i didn't asked further about the wrenched guy but instead encouraged her not to be independent with that man. i suggested her not to be married. i think they should take to consideration the welfare of the baby before anything else. also marriage will just divide the expenses that should be reserved for the child.

   i love the baby and i love her too and because i love them so much i want her to make wise plans for them. i told her to continue her studies maybe a year after the pregnancy. leave the child by day to her parents and go to school. finish her studies and look for a decent job after. 

   the statement from the TV ad is true. it is not difficult to labor a child but to be a mother. especially to be a single mother slash student. according to the TV ad, one of the major causes of teenage pregnancy is the lack of guidance from the child's parents and i say it's true. more and more cases of teenage pregnancy are on urban places, the more industrialized places. due to the parents' job , they tend to neglect their children and rare give them proper guidance.

   i just remember a scene from a telenovela when the mother scold her child for being pregnant an early age. 

 "i had given you everything! everything that you want! we even work hard just to send you to an expensive private university... and this.. this is what you gave us in return!? you got pregnant?! what will you do with your studies?? we have big dreams for you! where did we went wrong?? where did we failed??"

   the child was just sobbing the whole time.

   children seeks attention but they get less because their parents are too busy on their work. thus, the children as they grow will seek attention from the peers they are into. peers who, like him, are also neglected by their parents. from there, they will make unwise decisions and eventually lead to unwanted or i say unlikable circumstances like early pregnancy. the TV ad wants to convey that proper guidance and conversations with children will lead them to right decision making. it's okay to work and provide the material needs of the children for they are essential. but, also they should not forget the other needs of their child, like love and care, security and self-esteem. things that cannot be bought by money. but can be given through attention and constant communication. 

Hiling By Frio (with animation)

a tearjerker song..

NGAYONG WALA KA NA by Aiza Seguerra with lyrics

I MISS YOU...

i'm deeply.. sorry. :'(

i am the hunch that encumbers your back

i am the rock under your soles,

all my wrongs i forgot to track

I'm the hollower of your pride's holes.

to watch you suffer saddened my heart

urges me to cry an endless barrel of tear

let i be your target in a dart

or otherwise lay me on a sear.

to know i made someone sad

that i was the springer of his misery

.... oh let me be dead! i would be glad! 

to all the things i'd done: "I'm deeply sorry".

  i made some one sad today. :(

  i want to cry this all out, or shout or run to the fields and freak out how i am deeply sorry ... how it buries me down to misery that some one, many miles away from me is listening to to the saddest of music, speaking the sorrows of his heart and living his day as if his not alive. :(

  i am sorry: this is what i always say to you... and this is all i can say.

i had never done anything good to you. not a single thing that made you smile, sincerely.

  maybe i must let myself die with my hopeless feelings for you and I'll pray that you'll forget everything about me, every single cue that will remind you. let me be dead in your memories... then i'll be happy to see you laugh each day and oblivious on everything about me. as i will watch you from a distance.... it'll kill me a single day, it'll shed me a tear, it'll slowly set my heart into disruption, i know. but if it kills me and you live, then I'll be fine living like a dead knowing that you lived.... if it'll shed me tears of sadness and you tears of joy, then i won't mind crying... if my heart be ruptured, your existence, your smile will give me strength to put them back together... maybe it won't be beautiful, it'll be scarred... but at least it still beats... beats for you.

   i'm listening to a sad song... and as the music travels down to my heart, it doubled its sadness. 

   i want to cry.

Jewel - You were meant for me [Lyrics]

you're meant for me, and i was meant for you
!

I am in a box.

I am in a Box

i am in a box,

and i don't know the way out.

i am in a box,

locked in fear and doubt.

i am in a box,

full of emptiness.

empty though it looks full.

i am in a box,

stranded in vagueness,

locked in a rule.

i am in a box,

with a dim of light

streaming in.

i am in a box,

everything's a familiar sight, 

yet strangely foreign.

i am in a box,

confused by it's nothingness.

i am in a box,

daydreaming a distant greatness.

i am in a box,

and it feared to be trashed.

i am in a box,

unbeknown to when this will last.

the Night, the Flame and the Moth

the Flame:

moth of uncouth heritage,

why do you stare?

you fragile savage,

tempted by my fair.

you were hypnotized,

you can't be blamed,

i'm your admired paradise,

all your strengths are lamed.

my midnight liaison,

don't hesitate to come near.

free from your doubting prison,

fly away from your fear.

oh moth, be not afraid,

for the night will die soon,

so as the sharps of my blade,

to my heat be swooned.

be burned with me,

for i am near fading,

be seared by our intimacy,

your end is waiting.

the Moth:

you dance by the night's rhythm,

you sway under the moon's beam,

you walk me close to death's chasm,

mistress of my every night's dream.

but if you're a  precious gift or a bane,

tonight, my endearing heart shall know,

will you give me the curse of pain,

or the heavens of snow?

will my affection be not in vain,

or will you kill me with your bow?

but whatever the god's laid,

my imprudent heart will follow,

if on her flame i slowly cascade,

my eyes will cry with pleasure not sorrow.

for a desire before death was granted,

and if i will witness no tomorrow.

expect me not to be saddened.

my life has been full but narrow.

alas, the midnight is calling,

my darling tardily closing her eyes,

but before you sail to dreaming,

kiss me with your flame,

and burn me to your paradise.

the Night:

pretentious moth circling around 

the pliant tongue of fire  

when will you sear your wings

and die with your desire?

you lay your eyes on the quite lamp

your life on the edge of the lair

heating your wings from the damp

you hide upon a moon's mare.

you forgot your mother's caution

uncloak your wings from the cool

enticed by the flame's motion

baited by the tongue of a fool

the night is getting darker

you are lulled by the heat

be at rest in eternal slumber

die and burn in her deceit.

Tryst

TRYST

 by Clark James Asuy

The moon ascends to light the pitch dark sky

I now see your beauty which besets me by and by

To hold you close is my heart's desire

With me, let wishing stars conspire

As we lie side by side, abed

Words aren't needed to be said

We snuggle closer and feel the heat

Warmth and fragrance, dangerously sweet

I bury my face under your hair

Fire kindles in our love's lair

I touch your forehead with my lips

Missing heartbeats, rhythmic skips

Our eyes behold each other, we see fire

We hear a distant drumming, we hear love's lyre

Our noses meet, your scent intoxicates my soul

We're fragments of the universe but together we are whole

I gently touch your cheek and I see you blush

You tried to speak, my eyes said hush

I then kiss you fully on the lips

Heat heightens, sanity seeps

I reach your neck and you tilted it for inspection

We're going too far with these mad sensations

My lips brush your nape, I feel you shiver

We should be stopping the flow of the river

But before we get lost in the vortex of ecstasy

A grim reality douses our brief insanity

Someone waits for you in an empty house

And tomorrow, I'll be one with my spouse