less bitter

think like a man.

i think like a man and act like one. now what's wrong with that?

dear you,
         i just thought of writing something today. it's been a while and nothing really changed except that i don't think much of you these days already. maybe i have already accepted the reality that we could never be what i always think about us would be. no never. not anymore. so i'll just let myself, my mind absorb that.
anyway, last week it came to my thought that it is impossible for me to be someone else. and there is no point and no essence acting like another person. because though i can be like her, i can never be parallel to her or be her cause i'm another person. i'm a being separate from another. and so even if i had the idea of her copied, i am and will never be like her. so that was really stupid of me to even think of doing things the other person's way.
        however, there are times when i thought of myself what if i am as gentle and proper as the other. would i be happy? no. just thinking about it really put every nerve in my system indignant. so i concluded, being that other person or acting to be that other even in my mind is stupid.
       

child

i like your childlike innocence. when i see your face, shine with awe and delight. like you see things for the first time. the blooming of the flower, the early sunrise, even the most common things. when you lay your eyes on them, it's like watching a child playing his toy... attentive, amusing, innocent, curious.
i like your natural disposition. despite of the world's trickery and evil. you never let that child in you die or weaken. you always make me feel that the world here and even the world beyond is an infinite adventure, always an exciting journey.
be happy. stay that way. and let your smile give us delight.

just before i let go

now let me savor this bitterness
and let it flow through my veins,
into my heart
that it may weaken its pulse tonight.

now let me savor this anger
that's rotting my mind
and let me loose myself
into sad memories tonight.

now let me savor this pain
and remember the short gasp
of my breath in between
stabs of the dagger.

now let me savor the tears
that salts my wounded heart
that in this woundedness
i may find my salvation;
that in it's scar
will grow beautiful a flower.

let me savor the sight of you
that when i see you
i may feel care not indifference,
and gratitude not hate

let me savor our small talks
then in the languidness of your words
i may find joy and peace,
a balm to my swollen heart.

let me savor the last romance
that when i wake up in the morning
i may accept the reality that your love
is just one of the stars the
twinkles at night.