hope not a typical boring day

not the typical morning blog. my sister and i had a too-emotional quarrel this morning. well let me straight that, she was the one being too emotional and exaggerating about it.  i lost her ribbon. or to put it right, it wasn't me who lost it but my psycho classmate Toni. grrr. the pig-shit! just thinking bout him made me mutter curses under my mouth. i called him so that he would explain that i have nothing to do with it and it's totally his mad doing. but the numb-head is out of reach. hence i receive all my sister's dreadful wrath. she cried and cursed me. yeah, she cursed. she's really good at it. i may say that that is her forte.

my brother while listening to our bickering is too excited to tell it to mom. he really likes it when i am scolded. no wonder he's too happy this morning. oh well, i guess i just have to get myself backed up. it's inevitable anyway. and it wouldn't last long. since i'll be going home late. : p

i expect this day to be a lot boring. i know it is because i'm planning my schedule for the whole day and it sucks. i hate planning. well i'm not good at it. besides things that i plan rarely fall into place. so most of the time i just leave things and try to do my best in my chores. anyway, yeah, i planned the whole day. aaahhh. duh. forget it. stop thinking about it. leave this day to the hands of the good fate. come what may. whatever will be will be. (^^.))

late entry

here i am, sitting at the benches along this narrow aisle. waiting for my friends to come out.
(my teacher passed by when i wrote this. eeeeee! i haven't greeted him! huhuhu! stupid!)
they are having this really boring class in physiology and their teacher hasn't released them yet. oh well. i guess i have to wait longer. (after a short while.) weee! finally! dismissed! hehehe.

dialogue with friends:

me: tagal niyo noh?
friend: pinagalitan kami
me: actually kami din
friend: ganyan talaga siguro pag malapit na finals
me: umiinit ulo ng mga teachers. tsk... last-school-term syndrome

i'm too high, i wanna fly.
i'm too high, you can't reach me.
i'll see to it.
 you won't reach me.
stretch those arms.
even farther than before.
use your reserved charms.
praise me. adore.


****

hey blog. i haven't done most of my tasks today.i feel like i haven't accomplished the thing i should have done today. it's like, something is missing and there's no way i can make it complete, as of the moment. there are lot of stuffs i should attend to. yet i'm too high with my drugs and i feel like too fly to be worried of anything not him.

day with my teachers

my teacher/intellectual crush and i wore the same color of shirt. white. :)

just this morning i was thinking what shirt should i wear and i said, i want it white because it represents sincerity. :) my lovely horror!! he's wearing white too. hehehhehe. if you're a girl you already know what i'm thinking. hehhehe. (*kilig) this is the collective unconscious on the move. connecting me to him. weeee! wishing. free wishing... (^^.)/ 

***

my teacher in history got angry in our class. after giving us some tongue-lashings she walked out. busted. tsk. my seatmate told me that our teacher is growing his wisdom tooth. . . hmmm. lesson learned, always ask if your teacher is experiencing discomforts before having the class, that might trigger her irritation and anger if you do one false move....like giggling and she's not happy about it. whew. 

3:36 pm, Kubo

hey, (i am always confused as to whom should i address my entries. duh. much concern with the trifles.)

well anyway, hey blog, i'm all by myself today. all of my classmates are attending there classes and so i'm left. but i don't mind really, at least i can have a piece of solitude everyday. 

i feel restless and i know why. for many reasons i can't seem to focus my mind, collect my thoughts and place it on harmony. a lot of personal and academic concerns are bothering me right now, and i don't know where should i start. well, i believe i'm starting now through writing it all down. :) 

just this morning i was stricken by tidal waves of emotions. i nearly drown myself. i tried to calm every nerves of my system, and was partially successful. now i'm okay, i guess. 

here goes my eye balls again, seeking for someone i want to forget. 

i so want to talk about what happen to me this morning. write the details of my tangled emotions. but i think the place is too uncomfortable. :p

anyway, we'll have a quiz tonight in history. i reviewed my notes already but still not confident. 

i am worried about my tuition. though it's my parents who should be worrying right now. i'm still affected anyhow. haist, i'll just try to shoo this off my mind. it will just drain my psychic energy. 

my hands are trembling and restless. it feels like an energy so strong is suppressed within me and it wants to escape out. i badly need an outlet. someone to punch or to shout or to talk to. i don't know. i just want this energy out of my system and drain myself. until i can give no more. then maybe i can sleep after. 

bring me to the hospital

do you know what it feels like waking up in the morning with a very big smile in your face, heart jumping like it's gonna run an Olympic race, you're so restless you want to bang your head on the wall, your hands are trembling and you know you don't have caffeine intake for the past days, your tear glands are so active and you wanna cry but you don't want to cause it'll make you look stupid (though you know you are)??

yes. exactly. very well said. yet not precisely described what i felt this morning.

do you know how it feels like you know the cause of all these phenomenon happening in your system and you don't know what to do about it?!... it sucks!

you're listening to some song in your playlist to calm your self, relax your senses yet it triggers your excitement. you try to go along with the song to ease the excitement yet it so frustrating cause you're not familiar with lyrics. and so you just listen and the lyrics prick you like tiny needles, making your stomach churn. you don't know what to do with the food in front of you cause even if you're hungry you suddenly lost your appetite. you want to be disturbed so that the intruder will somehow bring you back to your senses, but at the same time want to savor the moment. you try to rationalize the phenomenon. you overthink. make your brain work 10 times it's usual rapidity. you can't stay focused. you're MAD.

like capital M-A-D.

i'm mad

as of the moment
i want to shout,
                       at you
i want to run,
                       to you.
i want cry,
                       my heart out.
i want to sing,
                       my emotion's lyrics.
i want to dance,
                       with you.
i want to fly,
                       in the heavens that's where you are.
i want to glow,
                       inside your heart.
i want to drive,
                       my self in your road.
i want write,
                       our story.
i want to tell,
                       you everything.
i want ... to tell...

              to feel.

and this is the wanting of the moment. but this is more than want...and dreaming. this more than what my heart can handle. more than my mind can comprehend. more than what my senses can feel. more than i imagine.

random thoughts

today. i'm sitting in one of the kiosks at the gazebo here in our campus. i really don't like this place, but not that i hate it. i just feel like i'll never have any privacy in this place. it's too public. (duh. gazebo nga di ba??)

holy crap.

this stuff i'm writing. it's not really what i want to write anyway.

it's about this guy several steps away from me sitting in the middle kiosk. well, he's the guy who once bothered my peaceful life in school. after several lines written he left. *pufth*

it's fascinating how i am well known and remembered in school. amazingly, the girl sitting in the opposite sit called me by my name and asked if i could look after her bag while she'll be away to get her stuffs. i replied yes since i'll be staying for the next 30 minutes. she said that she's a friend of a friend of mine. well, distant friend perhaps cause the person she's referring to is not really a very close friend of mine. just a common friend of a friend. mind you, i always run in to people i don't know and they greet me, by my name. not that i never met the person perhaps some distant connections and got acquainted. maybe. i'm good at forgetting. 

it's amazing how i can establish many relationships and can get to connect with people, regardless the age gap, course, gender, personality whatsoever. i am proud to say that a lot of people likes my personality. and that i'm comfortable to be with. i can get close with the dumbest and even groups of school intellectuals, homos to lesbos, from the serious types to the hedonists. 

yet despite the diversity of the people i am with, i never loose grip of my individuality or my self. i can still manage to be me in everything i do in every people i am with. i'm a non-conformist and this is the thing i am truly proud of.