an inadequate narration of what happened last night

for the first time, I've tasted nothing from my life. it's not bitter nor sweet, nor sour, it tastes nothing. and i fear it. i fear my life having no taste at all. last night, was the deepest sorrow i've ever dug in my soul. the pain of rejection, nothingness, worthlessness and all. i was succumbed by a deep darkness and i can't escape myself out from it. i was trapped and i can't breath. i tried to feel my heart and it's too weak as if it's not existing. i placed my palms above my chest and feel it. i silenced myself, my thoughts in turmoil and suffering. and feel my heart though it's beating weak in my ribs. but the knowledge, that in the pit of darkness, my heart is there, never gave up. and so i wandered myself deeper in the darkness. the deeper i get, the taste of life slowly leaving in the tongue of my soul. it's hideous and my physical body pained for that of my soul. i cried and tears sprung in my eyes, deluged my being, flooded my soul that for a while, i was drowned in the abyss of darkness... it's like experiencing death for the first time. it's like watching myself in a coffin. and i don't even have a flower to fragrance her way to the next life. i was there. looking at her with pitiful eyes, unmoving. feeling contempt to myself cause i can't bring her back to life.
i don't know when did i finally slept myself. but one thing i know, my palms was still placed above my chest... feeling the weak pulse of my heart...trusting that it will sail me through the dawn of another life.

resume

Objective:

To get a suitable job where I will get an opportunity to enhance my abilities in communication and interpersonal skills.

To obtain a career opportunity in an organization where i can apply my diversified background knowledge and skills.

To complement my skills and establish myself as a better individual by working as a professional.

To have means in supporting my financial needs in school.

education:
Saint peter's college of toril
Ateneo de Davao university

activities:
drama club
writer's club
school election volunteer
school activities organizer
art club

skills and languages:

english proficiency
tagalog and local dialect
exemplary communication skills
technical and creative writing
public speaking
drawing and designing

interests and activities:

writing
reading
speaking
drawing
painting
designing


computer skills:

Proficient with Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint, and Internet

unsuppressed views

nothing is more overwhelming than to be followed, whichever social networking it is.that's why people like posting and posting the every details of their lives, from breath to breath of each second. sometimes they even lie, like posting fabricated versions of what really happened to make it something grandiose, and so people will give their comments. in these comments (negative or positive) you give yourself an affirmation that you really exist and what is happening with your life is important cause the facebook people troubled themselves commenting on your "stat", and that it really makes you feel good. though you suppress it for nonchalant effect, others now think you're cool because you didn't fret about it, but deep inside you're screaming: "yes!!! and daming nag comment!" 

i think people just want to be followed and so seeing their followers on tweeter or facebook and the likes makes them feel... famous. and that's it, people wants fame even in a smaller scale like these social networking services. it will eventually lead them to some bigger venue in the future if more and more will follow them. like what mostly happens on youtube. but now since, they want to be "renowned" on their own simple way, they start it on facebook. what could be more accomplishing and fulfilling than to see those vertically lined up list of assumed friends in the corner of your screen. you screaming deep inside how overwhelmed you are to have such number of friends. you didn't even know some of them. you might even be the first one who added them. 

you really like it now. you imagine yourself being the boss, the famous one, surrounded by minions bowing their heads towards you. in the cyber world, you can actually do everything, including being the king of the world. and that's how it fulfills the desire lacking in the real world. the desire for affirmation and friendship, even kingship.

face it.

   when i was a kid, i used to think darkness as a dreadful place to be. before i won't even dare go to dark places alone even if it's just in my room. that's why i need to put up the lights even when I'm already sleeping. my mom tried to train me to sleep with the lights off cause the electric bill is escalating because of it. but I'm really scared of the darkness that i scream in the middle of the night every time i chance to wake up and found the lights off. this made my parents jump out to bed and run to my room to check me out. then i started venting and screaming why they'd turned off the lights. and they said it was to save electricity.
   but one night, when my father was driving us home from our weekly visit at my granny's place. i tried to stare out to the darkness for quite a while then tried to find something out there ( a ghost perhaps). but i saw nothing and the longer i fix my eyes into the darkness my eyes became used to it. that was my first attempt to get rid off of my darkness-phobia.
the next attempt was, when my mother didn't bought a toy or something for me,then, unconsciously, because i was overwhelmed by my emotions, i marched to my room and sulked myself there and i forgot to turn on the lights. i was sulking for several minutes and when i was finally calmed myself, i realized that I've been there in the darkness for a very long time.. and i wasn't scared at all.
   i imagined frightening things and monsters hovering around me but my attempt to scare myself was futile. then i rationalized to myself that fear is just an illusion created by myself. the longer i spent in the darkness, the more i felt comfortable and safe.  somewhat it became friendlier. until now, i still love to do things in little light, from the lamp mainly. specially when I'm reading or doing things in my study table.
my eyes weren't that used to so much light anymore that i easily squint my eyes even if it's just in a normal intensity. so when i read books in the library, i usually go to shadowy corners so that i can be able to read properly.
   then on, i had never been afraid of darkness anymore.
and the technique is: to look straight into it.

it's relevant to everyday living and every time we face problems or obstacles. there is nothing to fear about our fears if we look straight into it and rationalize things, then this fear you thought before wouldn't become that frightening anymore. these fears that you imagine can be tamed and they will be of use to you.

from my economics professor

"The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a lack of will." Vincent T. Lombardi

rooms and mistakes

There's room for mistakes but i'm making rooms to where supposed to be no mistakes.

must see

http://vimeo.com/21004243


http://vimeo.com/17776481

gonna watch these..