in love with his writings

i am in love, and maybe forever will be, with your writings. <3 i wish you could write something for me, someday. who ever that girl you dedicate your writings to, she's the luckiest. unfortunately she doesn't know she is.

still home

STILL YOUR HOME


far away you may go,
to distant islands you know
meet people, count the miles
be happy and forget the time
only one thing i want you to know,
when you come back
i'm still your home.

darling, as the clock ticks
and your heart beats fast
for the things you yearn,
trust that my love will last
even if it's not your concern.
you might be with strangers
and go to strange places,
but when you come back
feel the familiar love you have known,
i'm still your home.

chorus:

waiting, i'll be waiting
with my face on the window
hoping for your coming
a flower i held
in my hands,
like i held trust
in my heart.

_________________________

i wrote this while thinking of you. i hope someone will lay a good tune on it.

me and my God

my God.
my strength.
my wisdom.
my thoughts.
the air i breath,
the life i live,
this is all Yours.

my God.
my courage.
my shield.
my voice.
i praise you,
with all my art
my talent, my gifts
that you blessed me.
they are all Yours,
i am Yours and You
are mine.

my God.
my spirit.
my heart rejoices,
singing hymns
for all the grace,
the trials i face,
You and You alone
stood by me.

Amen.


Lord, my God, in the silence of the night, my soul is aching. and nothing is felt by the heart that is barren and dry with loneliness and anxiety, with nonsense worries and fears, with scorn and envy, with pride and guilt. Lord, i have forgotten our promise, the promise of the faithful, the spoken and not spoken. i have forgotten, or, perhaps, i fell upon the hands of deep rebellion and there i was strangled by my own wrong reasonings and selfish pride. Lord, this times i have forgotten to thank you and ask for forgiveness, i have forgotten that You have never forgotten me. even at times when i am alone and thinking and worrying about uncertainty, i am mostly not me, for i am not with You, cause i am not thinking with You. that there is You, and i need not to worry for You will be with me, whatever it is that i face. You God is my strength and my courage, and to whom should i put my trust, only to You, through me, and through the people around me.
everyday is a manefestation of your love for me, and when i wake up, i know i love You and You love me. i know, living my life happily, as you wish, will be the only thing you want me to do. my happiness is my gift to You. and look how amazing You are my Lord, it is not like repaying for your kindness, but it is a favor for me. all You ask is for me to live the life You wanted me to have, a happy and contented life. then why am i not doing this? why am i hiding behind the shadow of insecurity and pride? this is not Your will. these things won't make me happier. then why am i doing this?
in my pursuit to find my place, in my forcing to uncover the mysteries, in my placing mself above everyone, i have forgotten and lost track of what i really want...genuine happiness, the thing You want me to have, my one and only gift i can give You. i am lost. am i not? i want to be with You my God. and i know you always stays in my heart. till the end of time. till i not think of time anymore. You are always be there for me. and You never forget to remind me of that, to make me feel Your presence.

i love You, and thank You. Amen.

and i slept

from a distance, i can hear a mother
singing a lullaby, can you stay that way
and sing for me for a little while.
i am but a stranger wandering the night
bless my soul with your balming voice.
pour on me your kindness
and let me sleep upon your feet,
just for the night. just for the night.

i walk slowly, nearer you
let me have a closer look of your calm face
let your song give miracle to my weary soul
that it might be healed, and renewed,
and then i can go on with my long journey.
for i am a stranger and tired.
let me hear you sing please,
i'll be sitting upon your feet and rest my
labored body, just for the night, just for the night.

now i'm sitting upon your feet,
and you motioned me on your lap,
how kind of you, but you don't know me,
"you are my child" you said, "you were lost for a while
and now you are back, i have been with you,
i have never left you, i am just waiting for you.
come and i'll sing you the song i used to sing
when you sleep."
"just for the night?" i said.
"tonight, and the nights to come." you said smiling.


i have slept.

alone and missing

my heart listens to a sad whistle
from a stranger beneath an autumn tree
leaving reds and browns
i am counting the days
happiness
cannot seem to give me a sound.
tears glistens on dry lands
you are far my dear,
remind me no more of the distance.

why?

Why are you showing me your wounds?
you think i have the remedy?

why are you telling me your weaknesses?
i can't make you strong, i won't be generous enough
to give you my strength.

why are you showing your tears?
if i can't make them feel on my cheeks.

why are you staying lonely?
if it won't make you any better.

why are you singing the same song?
there's more i the playlist.

why are you looking at me?
if i show you no mercy.

why do you you want to be heard?
if you know i am deaf.

why am i saying these?
you're not even listening.

focus

everything this summer onward will be a lot different, different in a sense that i am stepping on a very difficult path that requires maturity and ironed will to brace myself from the dangers of mental fatigues, stress bombs, pressures that might possibly damage a weak mental system. expecting to be grilled but not disheveled, expecting to be stormed but still trying to hold on to the ground, resilience through extreme and unwanted changes, these might all come to me hard and unexpected.... but this will be the life i will lead for the years to come. i am deciding for myself now, but i am not doing it alone. of course my parents should have knowledge of my decisions. however, i would not let them keep me from doing what i think i can, just because they think i cannot. and that is why through smooth and intelligible persuasion, i know i'll gain their approval and allow me to take my own course.

this is all so new to me. work and studies together... though i know how far i can get, how tough i can go, how long i can sustain. i know myself more than anyone else, i know that i can do it, because i can. and when i think i can, this serves as impetus in times i might be losing focus and hope. this is all too difficult, but i know myself, the more things get harder by day, the greater is my motivation to achieve more. 

FOCUS