just the bell curve...

dear blogger,
        do you think i'm making the wrong decision again? when i'll write something in here instead of delving through my books? tell me blog. cause there are things i can't say to myself without me maudlin. but what difference would it make if i'll ask you for that, you don't know what it is, you're not my manipulator. i'm a manipulator of myself and all those claimers, obsess hegemonic bastards. depots implementing their realities on me. crap. perfect crap on a perfect bell curve.
what's the sense of all this emotionalism, nothing really. but just a perfect waste of time, but wasting time is experiencing myself, and experiencing myself means discovering the broad horizons of the bleak continent of myself. but what could be emptier than discovering the emptiness in you? this is so pathetic. crap. hurl me in an empty trash, so that i could claim that i'm the only one empty here.

....
all those shits above stemmed from emotional stability and disability. don't believe, please don't take heed of what i'm saying now.

screening for the publication

dear blogger,

i just had the screening for the school publication cartoonist. indeed, it was a wonderful experience, to be with people who i have same interests with, drawing for the same purpose, aiming for a single goal.
wow, it's been a very long time since the last i draw. it's been months ago already and i'm feeling and enjoying the passion flooding in, coming back. i thought, perhaps, i would fail myself this time cause i wasn't ready or i'm shading myself with notions and negative ideas. i might fail or not able to draw anything because i forgot how to draw. but no, when i got there, and when i see those of my contestants starting to draw... i begun as well. though with trembling hands. i tried to muster every confidence and talent and skills left to procure something out. and i believe i haven't failed myself... and God... and those who trust me. however, because i didn't take my lunch, things became a bit encumbered. my stomach is growling, sending chills to my hands. they're trembling, can't hardly move them well. i got so frustrated at the beginning cause i can't seem to focus myself on what i'm doing. but i pulled it through... i believe i did. though it's been tough.

this experience is a pure advantage on me, though there is a possibility i wouldn't make it for the publication. well, i pray not. the experience brought back my passion, my vigor, and gave me reason to develop myself more. i realized that i must humble myself, because there is a lot more to learn, and i'm just starting. that the state of my skills now is so little. i learned to prepare myself always. i admit i went there not even sure of myself. i didn't took effort to bring appropriate drawing materials. i know i dilly-dallied this one, but i know for myself that i really want the position. i've been so doubtful that loose focus and didn't brought the right tools. i would've done much better than that. so i'm not putting the blame to anyone, except to myself. and though it's hard, i admit, a git reasons why i wasn't so prepared. i might say i had even lost my interest even before it started. but this is all because i thought i forgot how to draw. but no.... i may say that all had been well and good. moreover, basing from the juror's smile, i believe i gain his approval. and i'm happy with that.

thank God, he never left me. and all the while He has been there for me.

the chocolate coated week... (love is surprisingly in the classroom!)

hey blogger,

i'm dreadfully tired but i still don't want to go home. i want to write something here. i need to write something to cool down my temper. 

(i believe that laptops should be placed on your lap, so that's what i'm doing now. perhaps i don't feel so intimate with my lappy if i won't do so. another, i want to feel at home. :) and comfortable. )

i can say that a lot of things happened since the beginning of the semester. i unfold innate characters that i can't believe i actually possess and good to say that many of which are positive once. like punctuality. i'm proud that i'm doing good on my academics now. it's because of the overwhelming inspirations and motivations around me. they really helped a lot. and just talking bout my inspiration, he's my intellectual crush, my platonic love(?). :) well i don't want to label it as "love" yet, but i guess there won't be no offense in doing so. hehe. 

what i'm trying to say is that... i love my days here in the university. embellished with wonderful happenings and learning. it's like everything is unfolding gradually, and i'm savoring each moment. though tough times are inevitable they are something i can handle. now i can pull through things without worrying much because my confidence is properly aligned on where it should be of my much use. i mean, i am more confident to ask and admit if i don't really know or can't understand the lessons. the thing i refrain myself from doing before because i'm too proud of myself and claim that i very much capable of learning independently. also, i use my reading instincts on the right situations and books. before, i could finish books on one sitting though it's not really part of my academics. not that i totally deprive myself  from reading novels and other books impractically not related to my course syllabus, not that i discourage contextualization, but now i'm rather more rational and clear thinking on what to read first and on what books i could use as sorts of rewards. and just thinking about books, it's really helpful to read in advance. now, i'm not worrying much because I've already read my lessons. now i can make use of my time on reviews and on some articles to be read. i can't feel much pressure at all because i'm using my time efficiently. great thing about advance reading.

        

as much as i want to write something about my intellectual crush, i guess i can't do it now. and the reason? .. i don't know where to start with. that's how immensely interesting he is. everyday is another part of him i gradually discover, everyday i'm liking him, and loving the idea... the thought...of him and me. hahaha! BINGO! at last i have finally admit it to myself. i always deny this feeling, like i'm pretending that this is just mere infatuation and hence not to be taken seriously. but darn it, darn myself, this is something i can't and must not deny anymore... he won't love that, i won't love that. 

tomorrow's Saturday, and i have much to do. i pray for peaceful and happy weekend for me, my family, my friends, and to my intellectual crush. anyway, don't you think "intellectual crush" is too long for a pseudo-name? ...i know, let's address him as "ICE" which stands for Intellectual Crush E______. his name starts in letter E. 

goodbye for now. writing soooooooooon. haha! blissful weekend everyone! \{^.^}/

hey, i found you!

accidentally bumped on this picture while looking for images of Plato and Socrates

on matters about writing and flirting girls

dear blogger,
        i still have to wait an hour before my next class. honestly, i dunno why i opened my blog account today since can't think of anything to write. maybe i just feel like writing or i just missed writing. just as i remember, last week i tried to write something in here... i got all the ingredients necessary before  can proceed to writing. mood, a topic to write, and my laptop. but when I'm about to write, i suddenly forgot how to write. i began to think how and what to write first. it left me into deep thinking that i lost my mood and so i decided to close my laptop and read some good book. though i forgot the "problem" for a while, it didn't depart my thoughts. it's quite disturbing to have such idea running in your head, specially if you're in the middle of college. where i would really involve myself to lot of serious college writing.
        perhaps, it's because i haven't written for two months already that i momentarily lost that natural and compulsive writing instinct. before, i used to write at least 4 blog entries a day. i practically write almost everything i thought at the moment, so that it won't leave my mind. i don't really have a good memory that's why i always take down notes; in my phone, in scratch papers and sometimes in my palm, when there's nothing available at hand. i write a lot despite my horrendous longhand. but every time i look at my paper full of writings, it instantly becomes symmetrical, like an ancient Chinese calligraphy gracefully and painstakingly written on scrolls.
       

***

can you write something sensible and deep around these girls flirting on some boys they think cute? haist, not a good place for writing. i should evacuate the area immediately before i puke on there vomity-looking faces. that wouldn't be nice, though i could readily justify the feat. these girls can really knock you out.
      

nonsense entries

dear blog,
        i love spiced ham. specially when it's free.
we don't read mashed potatoes just mashed minds. we analyze neurotic behaviors.
i mean, we run the world. this mother fucker world.
i don't speak french. and i eat a lot of french fries. fried french flies.
hi baby, oh my God! shet! shet! shet! wuhuhuhuh! shet ! morning is so early. yes of course eleven still. are we fake?? yes we ARE. we're from China. aren't we? hehehe
it's not important if you do make sense. as long as i do. (?)
it's bad. very bad legs. cause they're hot. and leggy. so?
it's raining... cats and dogs. leashed cat's and dogs. they all got tangled. they all died.. hanging beneath the clouds. and it's stinking. the whole city 'i mean. many died.
again, i don't read french. because french are for the .... language of love. omelet with cheese.
juh-tame... untamed. hidalgo. untamed dog. niyugan. word of the day.
boondok- bundok... does it make sense to me?
stop the laugh, stop the english... it's too mongrel.
japanese are really chinky. they have chinky eyes i mean. that's great.
the girl beside me is so stupid.
i am stupid. most of the time. like now.

i didn't know i could be this sweet.... before.

Report · 1:07am

gud morning beh..wla aqng lod. hehehe.
ur sooo mean.

November 27

Report · 11:28pm

Bon...my phone has been dysfunctional again. so.. i can't text you for a couple of days now. love you always. <3
(... i charged my phone for almost 7 hours... and .. the rest is HISTORY._)

November 28

Report · 1:50pm

ok: )

November 30

Report · 1:42pm

hellow bon. :) haven't txting you for quite some time already. . and i miss you now. <3
hope we could see each other..<3 yngat ka lage sa lahat ng shows and rehearsals mo hah. i'll pray for you , your family and friends' safety.
mwah. :)

December 2

Report · 4:10pm

hai bon.. hmmm. miss u na. <3
mwah! xoxo
lab u!

December 3

Report · 12:57pm

: ))

December 12

Report · 7:25pm

If you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud, or the moment just... passes you by...

December 21

Report · 7:10am

Where ever I go, whatever I do, I carry a little part of you with me right here in the center of me heart. <3 i may not be there bon.. as much as we want to. but, you would always be in the deepest corner of my heart! jumping and kicking... keeping me aware that it's you who make my heart beat. :)) HAPPY BIRTHDAY! i wish you good health.. all the successes.. happiness and blessings. mwah!

Report · 1:42pm

Thank you bon: ))

Today