i can sleep anywhere.

 this photo was taken by my best friend Irish. i slept on the cold floor in a college museum.














Jasper, a friend of mine, took this photo on a ride heading home. 






                                                              This is the edited version.
                                                        (i know. i know. bad editing.)

American Idol 2011 Top 7 - Haley Reinhart (Rolling In The Deep)

GROWL YOU STAGE TIGRESS! RRarrr!

random. random. random

"I can lend you my books, my notes, my thoughts but not my genius."

- Cyrell

notes in my phone (cause everywhere i write)

don't get confused by the randomness of thoughts. they were made random. but if you observe, the entries sprung from one emotion.

***
Always make efficient of the resources available at hand.

***
i named myself Carla, and some other names i already forgot.

***
not all days are perfect, this day justified it. sometimes odd things happen in the near end of the day, and it doesn't give you a complete sense of satisfaction for you will be bothered by the things happened just a while ago than what happened the whole day. this will give you a terrible night and deprive you of sleep. because of the terrible and often unexpected conclusion. in the end you will ask if you were happy? i will leave this question hanging for now. tomorrow, everything will be better, i will give this question an answer.

***

i guest the biggest wrong of the day is giving my brother a bullet to shot his gun on me.

***
and because i am deprived of my writing table. my cellphone's notepad will be the only palpable alternative at hand. This is again about the things disclosed today...and a lot of things happen, withing small ranges. i believe i momentarily lived a life both in past and present. i reminisced who i was before and find relativism to what have become of me now.

***
i can't seem to conceive any genuine in you. i don't know, if the mask obviously worn is a mask at all. if your hypocrisy plotted by you foolery is for you to hurt my morals. i don't know if that's the purpose, putting unto vital consideration the follies and unbearable flippancy of your conduct, are you playing hurtful jokes on me, with obvious motives behind? but you make yourself too conspicuous i don't know what you really want. and this question constantly haunts this whole paragraph like a wandering ghost in a ghost town.
***
what can be more painful than to thrust in your heart the tarnished blade of distrust, and what will be left in you if the last ounce of trust poured out fast from your heart. Bleeding, you can't put your arms upon your chest, coward to feel then flowing out of you, ashamed of the truth, confuse of the now and the uncertain hereafter, weak from hopelessness . If death equals distrust, then verdict has long been pronounced, and the convictions of the guilty will be finally laid.

***
fatigued, my right gave up, now it's my left painstakingly enduring the benefit and curse of my insomnia.

***

:few of the notes in my phone. last night.

EASTERific!

it's Easter Sunday! Happy! Triumphant! Egg-crashing EASTERific Sunday!

  i believe that i ought to write something about life and the glory of resurrection. not that i feel myself compelled to write something (or more likely it is.) duh, ditch that. well, this is it.

  Today's the last day of the holy week wherein people celebrates Jesus Christ's resurrection in various unique forms: Easter parties, Easter egg paint and hunt, Easter mass, processions, prayers, and many more. as for me, i think I'll be off to church later this afternoon for an Easter mass together with my family. and maybe i could have a one-on-one talk with my risen savior, which i regretfully didn't find time to do on the previous days. i hope i could find a silent corner somewhere, so that i could have a serener and spontaneous conversation with Him.

***
why does eggs always associated with Easter Sundays??

  Rabbits and eggs are both symbols of the fertility goddess Eostre/Ishtar/Ostara. Her symbol is also the moon, in which some cultures see a rabbit instead of a face. Eggs also symbolize the moon and are the ultimate symbol of creation and new life. The basket is a symbol of the womb in which this new life is carried.

  People have unique ways of celebrating, despite of, it's the sincerity that counts regardless of the means.  
    
     Let's all have a meaningful and rapturous Easter Sunday celebration!

a poem on death

death-it come and go unnoticed,
like the slow departing of a leaf from its tree
or the tears from our eyes we set free
sometimes it appear in the middle of a life's feast

death-a sad lover everyone denied,
and so as revenges upon its arrival,
we experience sadness inconceivable
slow leaving and wide

death-a great find,
buried beneath the sands
it waits to be found,
by the living's blind hands

death- if at my window you knock
don't hesitate to take the door
or pass through my ceilings and wall
for your entrance is inevitable.




this is for a friend whose mother recently passed away. i know your sad, and even if i'm incapable of feeling the same degree of sorrow and missing, expect i've been through the same pain. and so, i know inexactly how it feels. my ever cordial condolence to you and your family.

benefit of an unpractical cost

"what have you found in him?"

"the things i looked for and those i did not. "

-Cyrell

i always think about a lot of things before and after i sleep...this one popped out while doing my daily ritual after sleeping. i don't really get out of my bed as soon as i'm awake, i still take long time for sprawling and thinking about things with no practical value and for no apparent reason. one primary factor why i always end up late in school. tss

amazing pictures

 

This photo of two translucent goby fish, taken in MarsaAlam, Egypt, won the top prize at the 2011 Annual Underwater Photography Contest, hosted by the University of Miami

Macro 1st Place: Pygmy seahorse, Hippocampus bargibanti.

Macro 2nd Place: Nudibranch, or Cratena peregrina. Tarragona, Catalunya, Spain

Macro 3rd Place: Nudibranchand mantis shrimp, Serayabeach, Bali, Indonesia.

more of these breath-taking and fascinating pictures on http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/2011-Underwater-Photography-Contest/ss/events/sc/042211fishcontest

The Harvard Classics

 

     i didn't know that my late uncle has a complete set of The Harvard Classics...i tried to suppress my tears when i saw his books, but i finally wept when my cousin promised to give me the whole set.

   just imagine my delight amusement and utterly shocked demeanor when my cousin said this. freely giving these valuable old books is beyond imaginable. i still can't believe my luck. Thank you uncle..wherever you are now, may it be with God, which is undoubted, for you are a good person. Thank you for have gotten a set of great books. i will certainly treasure them forever, if ever i will gain complete possession of them books. 

   apropos, the above texts are written in large fonts. 

weekend getaway

what's for my holy week?
canceled country side trips are the most annoying thing in the world, specially on holidays or summer. just last week the whole family planned to visit my aunts place in Antipas, Southern Cotabato. it's an impeccable place for solitary walks, rumination, sight-seeing, and praying. th whole place is so serene and green with all the high hills and wide plains domineering the whole place. every sight is lavished with green trees, rubber and fruit trees to be specific. since one of their primary source of livelihood and products are the rubbers form rubber trees.
the rubber trees are very beautiful to look at specially from a far, it's like a shot from Twilight. and because trees are abundant in the place, expect for cool clean air. just a few walks from my aunts place is their rice field. the field is juxtaposed to their 3 hectares rubber tree. it was divided by irrigation directly going through the field. in the center of the field and rubber tree lot is a small nipa hut where you can leisurely rest your body and mind. you can see the wide green field and the tall rubber trees right before you. everywhere your eyes see is the beauty of nature.
i can still remember when i visited there last year. i woke up very early in the morning to take a walk and then my cousin lead me to the fields which is i think too far for me. since i'm not really used to long walks, made difficult by the steep and rocky road. my slippers were really toned down that i have to carry them because they constantly slip off my feet due to the muddy road. it rained last night, making the road muddy. but still i managed to get there with my feet filth with mud. i even enjoyed walking on bare feet. it made the stroll more meaningful. i guess, it's my other realization after.
my cousin told a lot of stories and myths along the way so it was really fun and informative walk. he gave a very detailed account on how he get to encounter an "aswang". it was a very scary experience though he narrated it vivaciously, making it more of a funny one instead. he also told us about a floating arm which came upon while a certain vendor was selling her home-made brooms one afternoon. it was about 3 pm and as what the people in the place say, mysterious and often enchanting things happen during this hour.
when we finally got there, we walked straight to the open nipa hut. just when i sat, i feel my legs tired. i haven't felt very exhausted until i got myself some rest. the gentle breeze brushed my face and swayed through my hair. i can still smell the youthful and cool smell of the morning dew. the high mountains were still covered by thick mists but there are thin rays of sun trying to pass through its thickness. i can see various kind of rice field birds preying on food. some of these are fishes that are found in the clear irrigation waters. the majestic scenery and healthy ecosystem right before me made my day and filled me with joy. if i can sleep there all day and let my senses feast with all the effortless work of nature.

books are for the single

   i'd rather live a single life than force myself to marry a person i don't love. there's no sense trying to reason over heart, if it's your heart's desire. sometimes, and i mean most of the time, what the mind reasons counteracts your actions. in the end, it's doing things against your will. so no matter how logical you are, you altogether end up doing something stupid...love. then when you get hurt because of your heart's decisions, you try to comfort yourself by thinking and reasoning that despite the wrongs that happened, at least, you were happy. as what Khalil Gibran said: joy springs from your pains, and sorrow springs from what/who made you happy.

   so thinking about living life single is not that bad and dull as what the happily married often say. i believe that happiness is a choice, and so as being single and happy. as to me who is single and outgoing, clinging boyfriends and nosy suitors are but burdens.

   i remembered a line from a movie: "Book is a single woman's best friend". yes, they are my companions. undemanding. understanding. intelligent. interesting. unresentful. non-living. i can take them anywhere. not that i can't find these qualities on males but what made males are because they all have the opposite of these qualities. which are not useful in my current status.

   haist. i hope a man will find me in the middle of the library, and won't be troubled to stay, for good. free wishing...but that's why we like wishing because it's free, don't we?

ultimate purpose

just when i start to mobilize myself and finally substantiate my plans, everything falls not on places. unnecessary things gets on my way, and i don't know if it's just me imagining people want to pull my legs down. yeah, i guess it's just me making all these hampers and making stories of insecurities. it is i who hampers my growth and the people around me tries to tell help me, yet i just end up giving them misconceptions. talking lies about myself, creating fears from my self-proclaimed insecurities and fears. and just where did i put myself again? in these ever difficult crossroad. and to where i am leading myself to, that i don't know. or perhaps i did, yet i deprive myself of. that sheer pleasure of knowing one's self, setting aside insecurities cause i know i am larger than what i just imagine. larger than the set framework of my life now and life to be. 
quoting from an answer given by a celebrity when asked what his ultimate purpose in life: "make people happy, whatever my chosen career would be." not repeating his answer verbatim, however it's precisely what he conveys. and exactly what i want to do with my life. to make people happy in every way i can, to the fullest of my talents and being. i always believe that generating genuine happiness as a profound purpose of life, is a life well-lived, a life worth of every stories to tell and renowned. may be not famed but followed.

if this is my ultimate purpose in life, it takes a lot of heartfelt doings. wherever path may i be i should always find the happiness in it so that i may share this to the people around me and to myself. what could be more rewarding than the joy of seeing others happy, and to me as the doer of the action, multiplied my happiness to a thousand folds.

perils of smoking

   smoking is dangerous to your health. this is a warning commonly found on cigarette packets and TV commercials. yet despite the warning, a lot of people still go through the perils of smoking to enjoy fleeting moments of pleasure. a short-lived pleasure just like the smoke of every cigarette puffs. as what my introduction wants to convey: i strongly deter cigarette smoking. 
    i hate smokers not just because of the pollution they cause but the exposure to health risks they give to the innocents by standers. Smoking is the one of the main cause of death every year. Smoking cause number of smoke related diseases such as lung cancer, respiratory problems and heart ailments and these dangers of smoking are increasing yearly. smoking not only set the smokers' health to risks but also the people around them through second hand smoking.
   not just the health risks but smoking too is a costly affair. smokers spends money just to sustain this unhealthy lifestyle. money that would've been used for other sensible and more productive things. moreover, smokers suffers diseases like cancer which medications are expensive. also the diseased caused by smoking may hamper you from working and doing your daily tasks efficiently.
   another downside of smoking is that it deplete physical charm. smoking makes teeth yellow, gum dark and facial skin sag. it will terribly affect physical vigor. it's like cutting your youth every time you light a stick. smoking also gives you bad breath thus it will cost you to buy mints and dental services. you could have spent it for some other things.
   people can also have emotional problems in smoking when they tend to be more dependent from it every time they want to be free from stress. this becomes a habit of using cigarette as a psychological comfort and ones it became a habit it will be harder for them to quite since they made it a part of their lifestyle.

it is you who knows what's best for your body. they say winners never quite, but in smoking, it's the quitters who always win.

boobs

just this morning, my sister and i had a comical conversation about "boobs"; scientifically termed as mammary glands. i told her that i plan to take pills like contraceptives cause i found out that it can make my boobs bigger. she has no direct apprehensions but she thought that i don't really need those. she even told me that i don't have to have my boobs augmented since it's just fine. it's just the right size for me and she even expressed that she's quite envious with my rather small boobs cause it's not so much a hassle. her plus size boobs is discomforting cause it's a bit heavier.
i don't really want a cup D or what, cup C would be fine with me. another, i can't imagine myself with the larger cups. it would make my body look asymmetrical if that happens. but i'm not closing the idea of taking pills. not just for the boobs' sake but i also want to gain weight.

idle as dynamo of intellect

idle

boredom as a dynamo for self analysis and deep thinking is an effective alternative in the absences of stimulus such as various forms of pressures. idling is the most intellectual thing to do for you might think of such things you less expect to have thought whenever you are doing anything not mechanical. most of the time it lead you deep into the abyss of human intellect. a depth you can't imagine yourself to discover. like human existence and the shadows and light behind its mere idea and curiosity. our curiosity brought by boredom just by watching living things doing their \life routines ignites a spark to our intellectual senses. the nervous system which made the experience of thinking possible. we start to question the common and the mundane, from here we discover a different kind of shadow and how much we try to bring light to these hitherto caves of human deviance.
intellect, wherever it came is the core of human achievement. it changes and evolves as time uncovers the the secret of life to the ever wondering eyes of man. it is never hampered as long as human retains and does not repress its undying nature to be curious.  in the gradual disclosure of unexplained phenomenons, we see life and world in its fascinating nudity. we amaze and feast our senses to its wonders that we always crave for more and more of this fondness for new discovery. so human never tires of unearthed and innovation that feeds ones insatiable soul. but what had become of everything now? now, is just the advent, or perhaps we haven't been at the advent yet of human intellect and genius. modern innovations that are yet to be discovered, to be hoisted by light from human torches. caves not dared trailed but soon to be conquered nonetheless. for nothing is impossible in human intellect.
however, if some make ladders to reach the top of human capability and extent, some pull out their ladders and alter their directions in seeking the core of life. they formulate hypothetical assumptions of truths...genuine and one single truth as they say that cannot be grasp through scientific intellect. they now go deep to a different path of spirituality and human reason. they make religions and make believe that doctrines answers the questions not answerable by mere scientific postulates. they create another world from this religion through the simultaneous usage of human senses. for them to experience the state of trance, to stand between the thresholds of the material and the ideal world. an experience that could never occur in the tangible world.
human always seeks the unexplainable and like a child, they never leave a question unanswered. the itch will stay unless it has been scratched and there they derive pleasure. they may read it on books as they run their ayes to its texts. it could be from the observance of an action took place. from their observation they formulate hypotheses to answer their various forms of curiosity.

summer fever (literally!)

   You know what, there's nothing worth posting these past days so i acclaim myself excused from not writing anything sensible in this blog. like everyday is becoming a routine, a hard self-dragging routine. the worst thing is i'm suffering cold and fever so i can't even make my eyes last for at least 2 pages in a good book. it annoys me  every time i make attempts to do my usual leisure activities like reading, writing and drawing, then i have to stop in the middle of because the evil gnomes in my head are on their hard hats again, getting ready to finish some constructions. and not just these evil gnomes are pissing my day off but also these two soldiers going back and forth in my nasal caves. think i can finish something with all these creatures busying inside my system??

   Rashes- red rashes are appearing all over my body every time i get sick. i don't know what are these but they just pop out when i'm feverish, even before when i was a kid. we even thought it were signs of dengue or something but we gradually ditched off that notion since they just appear on fever days. there's no big deal about it, think it's just normal specially for my skin type, i feel so hot inside and so red rashes appears every time.

    however, the irritating part is the aftermath of my fever. the red rashes somewhat burns the outer layer of my skin then exfoliates it. ergo, my skin removes the dead or burned skin in flakes! have you seen a snake peeling off its old skin?? well, it looks like that. and to top it all, it lasts for more or less than 2 weeks! holy canoly! i have to apply lotion or sunscreen to hide the flaking. sometimes when i forget to attend my skin, people notices the peeling and i don't get away without their whispers afterward.

   good thing about having fever in summer is the right timing. since i don't have to go outside, i can heal my skin at home. so i don't need to suffer all the hassles and embarrassments that goes along with it. at least it's not that all worst, since only five people will see my snake-like peeling. but still, who does want to have fever? i hate catching colds really. it always ruin my days and even my nights when i sleep cause i can't sleep properly when there are two soldiers stuck in my nasal caves trying to suffocate me. it even dries my lips for i have to endure breathing through the mouth since the other oxygen passage is dysfunctional.

  now, I'm almost done with my fever except for my rhinorrhea and of course the red rashes. but in no time, my body will go back to its normal system again.  yay! can't wait to get back up! and if i did I'll do all the things i haven't done through the duration of my fever. reading books, writing and drawing to name a few.

sa pilipino

ang laging unang hakbang sa malayang pagsusulat ay ang pahahanap ng paksang maisusulat. sa kasalakuyan ay maraming mga ideyang nagsusulputan sa aking balintataw na nais kong masulat at sa gayon ay maibahagi sa blog na ito. ngunit aanhin ko naman ang umaapaw na mga ideya kung di ko ito maiayon sa kung ano ang mas interesante sa hindi. ang pambungad na ito ay isang pasilip sa malawak na mundo ng kawalan sa loob ng isang manunulat. kaya huwag kang magpapalinlang kung ang mga naging paunang pahayag ay may kabuluhan. ang mga ito ay isang pagahahanda lamang na aking ginagawa bago ako makapagsulat ng mga bagay na may kabuluhan. para ko na ding sinabi na ang kasalukuyan kong sinuslat ngayon ay walang importansya.

ang buhay ay hindi paghahanap ng kabuluhan kundi pagiging isang kabuluhan. ito ay isang pagsubok na maging kapakipakinabang sa sarili at sa mga tao. ang buhay ay nagkakaroon ng kahulugan kung ikay nakapag dulot ng kasiyahan at importansya sa iba. maaring nagawa mo ito sa pagpapatawa ng kapwa o pag tulong na maipagtanto ang isang mahalagang riyalidad na habang buhay nitong babaunin. maari din namang isang pagbabahagi ng buhay sa iba, katulad ng pagmamahal. walang buhay kung walang pagmamahal sapagkat lahat tayo ay umiikot sa pagmamahal. sa lahat ng ating ginagawa, lahat ng ito ay patungo sa iisang dahilan at yun ay ang pag ibig.

Yael Naim new soul

this song is both melancholic and relaxing.

mr. cynical

i see you before as a mad stalker looking for affection through deliberately asking someone for free sex. i didn't even bother asking if why you do such things and why you unceasingly and tirelessly doing so despite of all the rejections you take. i thought before you're just being a tough nut or you don't have someone to bother to so you're diverting you're attentions to me. cynically, i thought of you to be like some jackasses craving for sexual relationship. but i didn't know that beneath all that, the lust behind those eyeglasses every time you look at me, is a person of deep and sincere approach to love, life and sex. and to quote from you, indeed you are a "romantic misanthrope". you're the perfect combination of logical, romantic, cynical, artistic and scientific lover.
i had always regard you with contempt before, your coldness, apathy and obvious motives towards me. i thought i'll never gonna change my perception on you. but i guess everything that i thought of you from the very beginning gradually and surely changed when i read your write ups. i even thought that perhaps it wasn't you who wrote those things about love and life. maybe because i try to shun the fact that all the cynical things i thought of you are far cry from what you are. i just can't face the reality that i have been shallow in assessing your personality, so i treated you bad. and i hate myself for doing so.  even if you don't tell me by actions or verbally, you are indeed one of the few romantic and passionate person ever stepped into my life. and i should be thankful to you.
you're intelligent and romantic and i may say, a rare combination nowadays. wherein people are being too self-conceited and phony, always thinking about the outer judgments more than whats within. but you, you're different and sincere. i can feel it in your poems and articles in which I've seen you naked with love and passion for the first time. gorgeously nude yet unbelievably tough. your poems say so much about you and how i wish that i have known who you are from the beginning. so that i may changed my mind and ignored you instead of hurting your feelings through my irrationality and childishness.

now who ever that lucky girl you dedicate your works to, she's one lucky girl and i'll envy her for the rest of the time that i'm secretly loving you.

they make us go crazy!

http://purinaanimalallstars.yahoo.com/?v=8800385&l=100000085

this is head over heels cute!

lost. no?

I miss my blog (yeah, this is so OA, i just wrote something here about a day ago.) and so i decided to open it. just when i'm all set a hideous thing happen... i can't open my account! i checked if i typed the wrong address which is unlikely to happen because every time i log in, the address automatically appears in the box. i checked the caps lock and typed every password possible just to retrieve my blog. but every attempt was futile and i was becoming desperate and annoyed. i tried to calm myself down so that i could think of a possible way to enter make account again. i consulted the blogger security service for help. i entered my email address, the one i've been using in all my accounts. but i was taken aback when it didn't matched any password and lost account. worried and confused, i checked every services available to help me with my dilemma.
   A page appeared and said that i need to enter my existing account address and password, then type the figures in the box below. i followed the instructions then a notice came out saying that i need to verify my old account name cause it stated there that i made a new address! i tried to remember if i ever changed my address since i haven't done it before, not ever. for someone like me who forgets even the simplest passwords it would give me a hard time to remember different addresses. the Blogger sent a message to my yahoo account, i read it and there... i found out that i made a new Google account yesterday. which i  came to know just now that i didn't really made a new one because my Blogger and Google accounts are one! how simple and sensible! i remembered that i made an account yesterday for the thought that i have none. so it appears that i didn't really made a new one but changed my old email address.

End of a silly incident.