randomness

downloading his video in my laptop, internet connection empowered by the weakest wifi connection in our school. this sucks.i can't download the video!!!
i'm just gonna frustrate myself. better stop this.

^^^^

i'm in love. let me label that? do i have the guts to say that?
i have seen him this afternoon and my day is complete. i thought i'll never gonna see him today since he is on a trip somewhere. i went to his office to check out if his there but no he's not.
i was about to leave when i run into him. i am supposed to stalk but he walks too fast and so i lost sight of him. well, it's okay.at least i have seen him today. :)

cause granny said so

"if your husband turned cold like a rock, you can't do anything about it."

early this morning just when i'm about to take a bath my grandmother started saying things about relationships and its bitter ends. she said if a man's love for his wife slowly diminishes as time goes by, and if the time will come when the man feels nothing special for his wife anymore, the woman can't do anything about it. no matter how much she love the guy, she can't anymore bring out the passion they once had. granny even reminisced the past and of those her friends' relationships which ended up cold and bitter.

that made me think: why is it to be that way? why can't they just love each other till the end? cause how can they even muster to say those vows when they can't stand it in the long run?

but you know, i have no accounts on saying these things or to give consistent opinions cause i haven't in a serious relationship before or even now.

i just wonder why granny said it with much conviction. like she's pretty sure every relationships end up that way.

i can't run away from the detective within

i am the best interrogator of myself. i know when i lie, i know when i'm honest. i don't even have to write things down or say it cause even before i did, my feelings already knows everything and i don't have a sweet escape from it. maybe people say i'm the greatest liar or subtlest con artist but certainly not to myself. i am a bad liar. and if there's a person i want to bitch slap, she is me. cause i know what i'm thinking and no matter how much i deny facts and feelings, they insist like mushrooms in my head. they seem to be inescapable. 

i am a prisoner of my own deceits and how i wish to free myself from it, even in thoughts.